Kate (of UK Men’s Shed Association until Friday last) is still looking after our interests. She has sent us news that has yet to reach the North.
Listen carefully and take note of new Covid-19 measures affecting communication.
Some of our Shedders are well versed in language very similar to that being introduced. For instance BrianB of Staithes says “Eh by gum” as opposed to the common “what the heck” – “h” is also quite a plosive letter.
Here’s the full list of TV Gold’s top 20 Christmas cracker jokes for 2020:
1. What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.
2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to elf isolate.
3. Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.
4. Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.
5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.
6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it’s behind you.
7. Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.
8. Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.
9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.
10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone.
11. How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly? Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail.
12. Why won’t Santa lose any presents this year? He’s downloaded Sack and Trace.
13. How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? It’ll take ages to flatten the curve.
14. How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year? Fine. No sweat.
15. Why wasn’t Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials? Because they only wanted guinea pigs.
16. Which Government scheme supports Christmas dinner? Eat Sprout To Help Out.
17. How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year’s staff Christmas party? Put him on mute.
18. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He keeps a logbook.
19. Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas? Marcus Rashford.
20. Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem? Because they couldn’t book a home delivery.
Graham has been busy in his garage and the front panel of the Cafe Cart is ready to be prepared and painted. Any volunteers for that?
Next comes the back. That will be less time consuming! Holes take time.
Bird box for Castleton Primary School
Elaine Marsh reports . . . ,. . Bay, Sleights and Whitby Sheds have made over 60 bird boxes for the Cinder track. Last week,a post was put on, that a barn owl box was needed for Castleton Primary School. Today, it was put in place, between showers. Another example of how Sheds are helping the community.
A gift arranged by UKMSA
Each of our 4 Sheds has received a hefty pack of face shields, wipes, masks, a Haynes men’s health manual and some healthy men stickers!